<< July 14, 2002 >>

and i'm on my bed and it is dark and maybe i am awake and i feel like i am falling but i am lying down so i am moving parallel to the ground like when the car went through me and there is a chill flowing through me and the falling reverses and i feel like i am in an ocean of gravity with the waves of cold pulling and it is going the other way and it is like the dream where i died and there is someone next to me and i can't see them but i can hear them or feel them and i think it might be nat but what is he doing here and i try to speak to him but i cannot except for a moan and i don't know if he can hear it and i can't move my arms or my legs or my head or my lips and the cold waves of gravity are going through me tugging at me and i feel the chill and it is very cold and there is a breeze coming through the window and when it blows in i feel like i am falling and when it goes out i am rising and what is going on am i sick what did i eat what did i drink why am i paralyzed oh my god was there acid in my dinner what's going on is this a bad trip what's going on and then i wake up a little more and it is cold and i don't know what's going on but i need to write this down and the waves of gravity are pulling the heat away from me and i need to wake up from this